why searching for a job is such a joy

Today I decided to take a quick look through some job postings because I had some free time and I figured I might as well. And maybe I am just too picky and/or weird but I found all of these comical for one reason or another. So here we go: screenshots from actual want ads. Please note that I did not search for any specific type of job, just did a regional search.

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One: Just like the insult comic dog

An admirable business morality and an appetite to triumph. First of all, shouldn’t that be an appetite for triumph? And what about an appetite for destruction? Or for Snickers? Hmmmmm?

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Two: (No one will get this but Caryn) Can you imagine?!? DRINKING YOURSELF?!?!

I wonder if this job is to replace Jared as the Subway spokesperson. You know, because you have to lose weight first and then you have to be the advertisement for… whoever these people are. Also, the tone of the last line seems a little bit confrontational to me. Do you even KNOW how powerful the web is, dummy? DO YOU? These people are mean. I don’t like them.

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Three: Gots to get paid

Five dollars an hour? Doesn’t minimum wage beat that by more than 50%? Sign me up!

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Four: I wonder what the health care package is like

I’ve never been to that kind of meeting before. Ahem.

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Five: We want… a shrubbery!

And then finally, I saved this one for last, because it is indeed the best. The title of the ad was “ladies” and I thought “I’m a lady!” though I will admit that I clicked with some trepidation.

And with this single-line ad, my trepidation was rewarded most handsomely.