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With all the talk recently about why Arabs are not scary without providing any real specifics, I thought what I would do is make a list of reasons why people should befriend Arabs instead of fearing them, because really, some people might need some persuading in order to reach out to this maligned ethnic group, and I am happy to serve as an ambassador of the Awesomeness of Arabness. While I don’t know every Arab on earth, I do know a lot of Arabs. I am related to them. My family is simply huge. So yes, this is all based on my relatives and may or may not apply to Arabs in general because how would I know? So at the very least, this is a list of reasons why you should befriend a member of my family. And there are a lot of us, so it shouldn’t be hard to find someone. Seriously.

You know, there are enough negative generalizations out there, so let’s do the opposite.

Or something.

Without further ado, ta-da, etc:

1. Arabs have spectacular food.
Of course I would kick off this list with food. You may already be familiar with popular items such as hummus and falafel, and if you somehow are unfamiliar with either hummus or falafel (or both) then you should do what you can to familiarize yourself with these things right away. They are so good. Oh man. But there are other things, things which I have no idea how to spell, in English or in Arabic. But I know what they are and dudes, I’m not kidding, Arabs have some of the best food ever. So what I’m saying is that you should have Arab friends on the off chance that they invite you over for dinner. And what kind of Arab friend wouldn’t invite you over for dinner? I don’t know. This leads smoothly into point number two…

2. Arabs are hospitable.
Say for instance I was taking you with me to visit my relatives. I’m not exactly sure why I would do this, not because hanging out with my relatives isn’t entertaining, because I assure you it is. It totally, totally is. But I’m more likely to go with you to the movies than to hang out with my cousins. And I think that’s kind of universal: movies before cousins. In fact, pretty much the only reason I can think of that I would be taking you with me to visit my relatives would be if we were dating and it was time for you to meet my dad because certainly I have to come to a point with someone when it’s time for him to meet my dad, right? Sure. Anyway, if we were dating and I was taking you to meet my dad, I would promise you that even though my dad might try to intimidate you silently with that dark intense stare of his that has a tendency of making people nervous he’s actually very nice (and he is really very nice, I swear, and also funny) and then we would arrive and after kicking off our shoes (because we are polite) you would immediately be overwhelmed by the kindness and hospitality of my family. They would try to feed you (and if you’re hungry at all you should take them up on this… see point 1) and if food is not your thing they will offer you something to drink. And even if you say you don’t want anything, a few minutes later you will be given a beverage: juice or tea or a room-temperature can of Pepsi. And if you go with tea (just go with tea) it will be served in a glass, not a cup. No handle. It’s scalding hot and if you’re not careful when you pick it up you will burn the shit out of your hand. But it’s all worth it because the tea is so good. And then there will be a lot of talking, entirely in Arabic, and let’s face it, it will probably all be about you, but I’m sure it’ll all be positive, so you can just smile and drink your tea. And someone will gesture at the tea and ask “Is good, yes?” And you’ll say “Yes, good.” And then they will try to feed you again. It’s very important that you’re comfortable and having a good time. And my dad will like you eventually. Probably.

3. Arabs know how to party.
It’s true. Arabs? Party people. There’s music, there’s food, there’s laughing, there’s dancing. Arabs are totally good at busting a move. In fact, one of the things that attracted my mom to my dad: his smooth moves on the dance floor. I, on the other hand, am a terrible dancer, but my awkwardness and lack of rhythm have never ever stopped me. Who cares? Life is too short to waste it by being a wallflower, right? Exactly. Anyway, who doesn’t love a good party? Crazy people, that’s who. Do you want people to think you’re crazy? Hmmmm?

4. Arabs are passionate.
If you’ve ever listened to spoken Arabic, then you know that it’s a powerful language. It’s full of strong sounds. This makes perfect sense, considering the people who speak it. Arabs are passionate and fiery and we get worked up about things, things like… the weather or traffic or commercials on television. We enjoy this. If life is worth living it’s worth being fired up about. The thing is, people mistake this fire for anger, but it’s not. Sure, everyone may be yelling, but we’re not mad, it’s just conversation! Do you need a little more passion in your life? Befriend an Arab. We will feel deeply about things you didn’t even know it was possible to feel anything about and this will amaze you, and that sense of amazement will propel you toward more passionate living. Somehow. I haven’t worked out all the details but I’m sure I’m right. Plus, we tell good stories and we talk with our hands a lot. Is good, yes? Yes, good.

So there you go. Are you persuaded?