For real.
Ulysses Update #10
I made a short video about my experience of reading this book. I’m sure it’s all 100% accurate and none of it was dramatized for video-making purposes. At all. Anyway, you may view it over on LitKicks, if you so choose, and see some wonderful acting by my dog.
I will admit that during that last bit I had a really hard time not saying “Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.”
Just Because
Speaking of dancing, which I wasn’t really, but even so I want this shirt.
Would You Rather…
Enough about me, really. Let’s talk about you. I checked my site stats earlier and they are either lying to me or there are quite a few lurkers in the house. I’m going to pretend that there’s no possibility that the stats would lie, and as such, let me say hello, lurkers! Let’s play a game. I don’t have any of the cards handy, so I am forced to think up my own bizarre either/or situations. Here we go. (Please play or I will feel like a lameass.) Would you rather:
1. Be strangled in your sleep by this terrifyingly ugly snowman with his beaded wire of doom OR wake up to find you were under attack by an army of vengeful spiders?
2. Be stranded on a deserted island with a clown OR stuck in an elevator with a mime?
3. Eat a live cricket OR eat a booger?
4. Wake up as a prisoner on a pirate ship in the South China Sea OR wake up naked and hungover next to Carrot Top?
5. Be on a road trip and forced to listen to nothing but the Eddie Murphy classic Party All the Time (please watch that video; it’s magic, and it may have made me break into spontaneous applause) OR drive off a cliff?
6. Be a spokesperson for herpes medication OR hemorrhoid cream?
7. Live a long time working at a job you enjoy until you die (literally, you’re 90 and you keel over at your desk) OR work at a job you hate and both retire and die young (say within 5-10 years of each other)?
8. Have a life-threatening allergy to cheese OR chocolate?
9. Have disease-free sex with someone you’re not actually physically attracted to in any way, shape or form OR get the clap from someone who’s insanely hot?
10. Eat an entire raw onion OR eat an entire raw tomato?
Get the clap! Get the clap!
Posted by allthewine | November 12, 2008, 12:25 pmI can’t see my “get the clap!” comment, so I don’t know if it was mercifully edited by your spam catchers..
but also I would eat an entire tomato. probably 10 of them.
Posted by allthewine | November 12, 2008, 12:27 pm1. Strangled/Snowman
2. Island/Clown
3. Whose booger?
4. Pirate ship, for God’s sake!
5. Eddie’s cool.
6. What about a product that treats both ailments with one easy application?
7. What the . . . that doesn’t even . . . I mean . . .
8. I love me some cheese.
Mama says too much cheese will stop me right up! You got your cheddar cheese, your provolone, your pepperjack, cheddarjack, Monteray Jack, Swiss, American, Humboldt Fog, Muenster (not the tayvay show), feta, Texas Goat, gouda, jamboorger, Peekskill Pyramid, colby, claymation . . .
9. & 10. Can I combine 9 and 10 and say I would like to have sex that involves Clamato Juice?
Posted by Bill Ectric | November 12, 2008, 12:38 pmI’d take the tomato, the Eddie song, the mime, the booger, the clap, the snowman and I can never be deprived of chocolate. I can’t decide on number 4…and I’ll have to go with keeling over at the desk.
Are you going to pose your answers to these questions?
Posted by mkc | November 12, 2008, 2:00 pmI’ll take all the ones that involve sex, please. And cheese.
Posted by Brittney | November 12, 2008, 3:02 pm1. Strangled by snowman (I actually like that thing, what can I say?)
2. Elevator w/ mime.
3. I guess booger, but eww.
4. Prisoner ship.
5. Road Trip w/ Eddie Murphy. “My girl wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time…”
6. Uhh…
7. Job I enjoy until death @ 90.
8. That’s hard, but I can do without chocolate. I can’t do without cheese.
9. Disease-free sex please.
10. I love me some tomatoes.
Posted by SA | November 12, 2008, 4:17 pmI have no idea if my original comment got through so I’ll just sum it up like this…cheese has to stay, disease-free sex, I love tomatoes, “my girl wants to party all the time,” love job until death @ 90, I like that creepy snowman thing.
Posted by SA | November 12, 2008, 4:24 pmDammit. Sorry about that.
Posted by SA | November 12, 2008, 4:24 pmI didn’t read anything past the vengeful spiders. EEEEEE!!
Posted by Julie | November 12, 2008, 5:58 pm1. The snowman. (Uh, I HAVE that snowman. Seriously. But it was a gift! I swear!)
2. Elevator with a mime. (Plus, if I had an iPod in my ears, that mime could be “miming” to Ludacris or something. Awesome.)
3. Cricket.
4. Naked/hungover next to Carrot Top. At least I’d be able to share the funny story later.
5. Eddie Murphy I guess.
6. Herpes. It implies a certain I-had-sex “coolness” that hemorrhoids frankly just doesn’t have.
7. Live long and prosper.
8. Chocolate. If I’m allergic to cheese, then there’s really no point in living.
9. Disease-free. The clap just never sounds appealing.
10. Tomato.
Posted by Staz | November 13, 2008, 1:36 amFirst time poster, short time lurker (sure it can still be measured in hours at this point)…let’s play….
I’m fine with Frosty, watching a mime trapped inside a box for real sounds like fun, booger sandwiches for sure, a pirate ship sounds like a fine way to travel, and how did you know I was listening to that song right now? Herpes medication would make people think I’m a player, I’ll work until I die, no chocolate? F*ck cheese then, and while I’m at it get the clap, then eat a whole tomato.
Posted by lsp | November 13, 2008, 2:21 amFor me: tomato, clap, cheese (but only just!), job I enjoy, hemorrhoid cream (imagine the jokes you could make), Party All The Time, pirate ship, booger, clown and ugly snowman.
Although I’d prefer not to have to make any of those choices and just sit around drinking wine.
Posted by Nikki | November 13, 2008, 5:20 am1. Snowman
2. I’ll take the mime on – he’s defenseless
3. My own booger
4. I think I’ve read enough about said Carrot Top to choose the pirates
5. Cliff, but I’ll wear a seatbelt
6. Depends on where the herpes is at
7. Ask me again in three weeks time when I’m 30
8. Cheese. The hormones chose.
9. As an unmarried person the first choice horrifies me so I’ll take my chances with the hot piece and the several rounds of antibiotics that will inevitably follow.
10. Tomato.
Posted by SaraAu | November 13, 2008, 7:33 amHi! Ok I admit. I’ve been lurking for a few weeks now. I think I posted a comment a while ago.
Love, love your writing style. I really enjoy reading your blog and have added it to my daily must read blogs. You are a very engaging writer. I can’t wait to see what you write about next:)
Posted by Scriber's Web | November 13, 2008, 8:16 am1. Spiders. It would freak me out but I wouldn’t be dead.
2. Clown. There would be more places to hide on an island.
3. Cricket
4. Prisoner on a pirate ship. Maybe we could be friends. Carrot Top scares me.
5. Eddie Murphy, I guess?
6. Hmm…
7. Work till I’m 90.
8. Man, I love cheese. So I have to choose chocolate.
9. The clap! There’s medication for that, right?
10. They are both yucky, but I choose tomato.
Posted by Cheryl | November 13, 2008, 8:33 am1. Snowman. He would melt before he could finish strangling me. Want to know why? Because I am so hot.
2. Elevator. Mime.
3. Booger
4. Oh dear. Pirate ship prisoner I think.
5. Come on! That’s a good song! Eddie Murphy all the way.
6. I’d do either. Spokespersons make a ridiculous lot of money.
7. Work til I’m 90. At a job I enjoy – that’s the must.
8. Chocolate. I don’t really like chocolate that much. Or wait, maybe I should spin it the other way and say cheese…I think most of the reason I’m not a size 2 is thanks to cheese.
9. I think I would take the clap.
10. Tomato
Posted by wifey | November 13, 2008, 9:04 amI would say something really clever but I just had some blood drawn and as a result, I’m a little loopy right now. Whee!
Anyway, hi everybody!
Posted by jamelah | November 13, 2008, 10:10 amI guess I would qualify as a lurker, because I can’t remember if I have ever commented or not. Any who, I do love a good game of would you rather, so here it goes:
1. Snowman all the way, because spiders completely terrify me (in fact they are so scary I would choose the guaranteed of doom of snowman strangling vs. the chance I could fight of those army spiders)
2. Mimes are cool
3. Booger, cause chances are I have eaten one of those in the past, I mean come on I was once 5 years old.
4. Carrot Top, cause my guess is I could actually escape that
5. Driving off cliff
6. ooh tough one, I am gonna have to go with herpes
7. Live a long time
8. chocolate, I could not handle the loss of cheese
9. clap
10. tomato
Posted by Abby | November 13, 2008, 2:21 pmPop quiz?? I totally didn’t study.
1. Vengeful spiders (though I think I could take the snowman)
2. How long am I stuck with the mime? If it’s more than a couple hours I’m building a cabana and hanging out the “No Clowns” sign.
3. Booger. I can’t believe anyone’s really going to eat the cricket. Unless they’re on Fear Factor or something.
4. I am scared about my sanity in the carrot top scenario so it’s a pirate’s life for me.
5. How high is cliff? I guess because of Rick James I’m listening to that. I totally remember changing the channel on this video.
6. What is this? Community service? Your honor I was framed. hemorrhoid creme. sigh.
7. Longtime job. That was too easy. Should have been a creepy co-worker named Stu or demon-possessed stapler in there.
8. These are hard! Chocolate I guess because there would still be ginger cookies.
9. Clap off!
10. If I eat them both can I get some chocolate too?
Posted by farlane | November 14, 2008, 8:11 am