some questions, answered

1. do you have any new shoes you could model for us in a photograph or, better yet, a video, with or without a stunt dog cameo? i’m sure such an eyeful would be appreciated throughout your entire base of minions.

With apologies to my minions (I have minions?), I regret to inform you that my feet don’t take requests. But here are the shoes:

2. how do you get your hair to be so awesomely shiny?
For one thing, I only wash my hair when it’s actually dirty. I have pretty dry hair naturally so I usually only wash it 2-3 times a week. Unless a person has oily hair, or s/he sweats a lot, it’s generally not necessary to wash hair daily. I switch shampoo brands every month or so to prevent buildup. (Have you ever noticed when you use a new shampoo how your hair feels so much cleaner? Exactly.) When I wash my hair, I rinse it with cool water. I use ceramic products for heat styling, because they are better at preventing overheating and breakage (I blow dry my hair pretty frequently and I don’t have any split ends). I don’t really think shampoo/conditioner brands matter that much; I use anything, from pricey salon brands to cheap drugstore brands and they’re all pretty much the same. Also it helps being awesome, because this awesomeness infuses the hair from root to tip.

3. you still never answered the name of the author you met as a child…
Yes I did.

4. Can you explain how buying really cute shoes will help the global economy? Or drink some wine?
Can I drink some wine? That’s a resounding yes. Buying shoes helps the economy because fashion is essential to the health of the global market. I’m sure that’s true, somehow.

5. will you tell me about how awesome your wife is?
Yes. My wife is awesome because even though we haven’t seen each other in a long time and we both date other people, I know that there is no one else I would have married in the romantic atmosphere of a college English class in a not-legally-binding sort of way, and I’m fairly certain that if I were married to anyone else, that person would not hold my purse while I made out with some random Italian dude. Also I have very fond memories of the nights we would sit around and eat Nutella straight out of the jar. Anyway, Wife, you are one of my very-favorite-ever people, and someday when I finally finish Ulysses I will read a Cormac McCarthy book just for you. (Any suggestions on which one it should be?)

And hurrah for awesomely shiny hair!