fun with keywords

Yesterday my mom sent me a link about flooding in Venice. Apparently it’s the worst flooding in 22 years. Normally I am not one to smile at news of floods, but acqua alta makes me smile because it brings back memories of being unprepared for a flood and leaving class and trudging through disgusting canal water with garbage bags taped to my legs. They stayed on for about two minutes. Good times.

I’m pretty sure you haven’t lived until you’ve tried that, by the way.

Anyway, to the point. People on the internet are oh so very interesting with their searching, and the ways they get to my site are proof. Here are some of the latest:

Vanessa Hudgens youse tampons
For so many reasons, I have no idea, and for the same reasons, I am so glad.

Jamelah Ohio
I’ve been to Ohio several times and that’s really enough, isn’t it?

composition – my plan for survival on a deserted island
I’m guessing this was a school assignment? In any case, sorry, School Cheater, that I am no help. I don’t have a plan for survival on a deserted island, but I’ve read Lord of the Flies and watched Lost so I’m sure I’ll be fine, if that ever were to happen to me. Totally. At present, I’m sitting at my desk with a scarf wrapped several times around my head because I’m freezing, so being stranded on a deserted island doesn’t sound so terribly bad. In fact, I think I’ll fantasize about it for awhile.

john mayer sex habits
Seriously? Why? Wait. Don’t tell me.

dead hooker
You’re nobody until somebody finds your blog by searching for “dead hooker.” I’m pretty sure that’s true.

matthew mcconaughey in jim morrison’s leather pants
I have nothing to say about it but I just wanted to point out that someone somehow (I can’t figure it out either) got to my blog by searching for this.

Arabic love dating people in friendship in 2008
In 2009 that’s all over, though.

fake butt underwear
I can’t figure this out. Does it mean that the underwear is for fake butts? Or that the underwear includes a fake butt? Or it’s butt underwear that’s fake? Or… I have to stop. My head might explode.

coughing tastes like chips
You should see a doctor.

PANTYLINER WEARING LADIES
That’s one weird pantyliner.

what he thinks of your orgasm face
I just counted and in the past couple of weeks, I’ve gotten more than 30 searches for this. I got bored and quit after 30, so there are more and I don’t have an accurate number. So, since the article in question never really covered the topic, are there people just dying to know what a guy thinks when he looks at a girl’s face while she’s having an orgasm? Or are the searches for some other reason? I can’t tell. Perhaps if I’d ever done that sex survey I was going to do like a year ago and then never did because I got lazy, I would be able to provide some insight for these people. But since I didn’t (and I’m still lazy, by the way), we’ll never know.

what kind of underwear are you wearing
They’re striped, but I don’t think that’s any of your business. I don’t even know you.

anyone know the name of the song in jake’s booty call
I don’t. Anyone?

arab are so good
Yes they is.

embarrassing stories about butts
Hmm. I’m sure I could think of one without trying too terribly hard. Okay. One time I was wearing a pair of pants I got on sale at Old Navy and I was working. I had to go to this nursery (the kind for plants) and get some flowers for this volunteer project some kids were doing. They were going to plant the flowers and then give them to residents at the nursing home, and I had to deliver the flowers to the kids. So I was there and one of the employees was helping me and she was standing outside of my car holding a flat of flowers and I took a flat and slid it across the back seat of the car. And if I remember correctly I was kind of kneeling on the seat, pushing the flat across. And then I felt as though something wasn’t right over in the butt region of my pants so I climbed out of the car really fast and turned around and the nursery employee was giving me that half-smiling, half-oh-I’m-so-sorry-for-you look. So I very carefully took the flowers from her and put them in the car, and this turned out to be somewhat difficult because I didn’t want to turn around again. And then before I went to the school to drop off the flowers, I stopped by my house to check out what the hell had happened to my pants and discovered that there was quite a quite a large hole in them. I even took a picture (though I took the pants off before taking the picture so simmer down) to document the problem: yeah. As you can see from that photograph, it was a very large hole. The entire seam just decided it wasn’t going to do its job anymore. Fortunately I was wearing regular underwear and not a thong or anything because that would’ve just been awful. There you go. Reasonably embarrassing story, and I didn’t have to think too much. Ah.