While browsing headlines a few minutes ago, I came across the following story:
NEW YORK – Burger King has launched a new men’s body spray called “Flame,” which it describes as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”The fast food chain is marketing the product through a Web site featuring a photo of its King character reclining fireside and naked, except for an animal fur strategically placed to not offend.
The marketing ploy is the latest in a string of virile ad campaigns by the company.
Burger King is also in the midst of its Whopper Virgins campaign that features an taste test with fast-food “virgins” pitting the Whopper against McDonald’s Big Mac.
And then I wondered what anybody would wonder after reading such a thing: is this for real? So I did a little searching and finally found the website in question: firemeetsdesire.com and, um, wow. I have no words. The site has some fake Barry White saying “Come on baby, give it a spray.” And I am weak to the fake Barry White? No? I don’t know, but I clicked, anyway, and every time I did click, I was treated to a different romantic background: a candlelit bubble bath, a blazing fireplace, a waterfall, and then something I was completely unprepared for… and since words defy me, here, let me show you this handy little screenshot:
I want you to bear in mind the fact that on the site, it’s not the still image you’re seeing now. No, the Burger King is patting the bearskin rug next to him, as if to say “Come here sugar, and I’ll make you my Burger Queen.”
And then it just kept getting worse. Or better, I guess, depending on your perspective. The Burger King reads, and I bet it’s poetry:
And he’s got roses:
And he’s making a plate of whipped cream just for you:
Anyway, since this is the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat, I can’t help but wonder what seduction smells like. Because, see, I thought seduction already smelled like flame-broiled meat. But I must be wrong, because if the scent of seduction were flame-broiled meat then it would be the scent of flame-broiled meat with a hint of flame-broiled meat. And that’s a lot of meat. (That’s what she said.)
No matter what, it must be sexy. Seduction and flame-broiled meat? Rawr. And fellas, for the bargain price of $3.99 (no, seriously), you can smell vaguely of a Whopper and be as overwhelmingly hot as the Burger King. Better start stocking up on the champagne and the bearskin rugs, is all I’m saying. Because — back me up, ladies — there’s nothing sexier than a man who smells like fast food.
Getting busy: it’s not just for Burger King bathrooms anymore.
Flame broiled meat? sounds like the king went sunbathing and forgot his shorts, or proper protection…
Posted by Davidov Kosovo | December 18, 2008, 3:39 pmJamelah, I love you.
Posted by Caryn | December 18, 2008, 3:42 pmFinally! Vegetarians can pick up girls again.
Posted by andy c | December 18, 2008, 4:01 pmAnd I have thought that only vision of profound cleaning before Christmas could make me run away screaming. Man is learning all his life…
Posted by fabulitas | December 18, 2008, 4:24 pmFor that model’s sake I hope he got paid somewhat decently.
Posted by SA | December 18, 2008, 4:34 pmOh. My.
Posted by Preeti | December 18, 2008, 4:55 pmI think I hurt my nose imagining this.
Posted by Girl With Curious Hair | December 19, 2008, 1:58 amWhen I heard this on the radio, I knew we were in The End of Days.
Hilarious @Andy
Posted by farlane | December 19, 2008, 7:24 amThis is HORRIFYING. I think I had a nightmare about this.
Posted by Fraulein N | December 19, 2008, 9:17 amI tend to think that this would be more seductive to men and dogs than women, which could potentially result in all kinds of sitcom-like hijinx for the man who spritzes said stink on his neck and wrists, only to be mauled by hungry dogs or followed around by hungry men.
Posted by You can call me, 'Sir' | December 19, 2008, 10:19 amI’m wearing some right now…
Posted by calvo | December 19, 2008, 10:45 amseriously? who knew The King has such shapely legs?
GROSS.
Posted by dmb5_libra | December 19, 2008, 10:50 amDavidov — Maybe he was just working at his own restaurant.
Caryn — Back at ya.
andy — What a relief!
fabulitas — I know, it’s pretty horrifying.
SA — Model? You mean that’s not the Burger King? I feel cheated.
Preeti — It’s enough to make you speechless, isn’t it?
GWCH — You should sue! I bet they’d pay you in bottles of this stuff. So on second thought, maybe not.
farlane — Yes. Britney has made a comeback and Burger King is marketing cologne (I mean body spray). The apocalypse is nigh.
Fraulein N — In the nightmare, did the Burger King sound like a pseudo Barry White?
Sir — Or mauled by hungry men! The possibilities are endless!
calvo — Yes, I know you’re a big fan of meat. Uh, I didn’t mean that in a dirty way.
dmb5_libra — Ha. Maybe I shouldn’t admit this but yesterday when I was resizing the images to use in this post I was momentarily transfixed by the King’s thigh. I’m not proud.
Posted by jamelah | December 19, 2008, 6:18 pmAlso I wonder if anyone would ever actually wear this. Other than Calvo.
Posted by jamelah | December 19, 2008, 6:19 pm