So, 2009 is on Thursday. That’s kind of weird, because I was really just getting into the swing of 2008, consistently writing it on my checks and whatnot. I’m weirded out by the end of yet another year and the beginning of a new one, one where, among other things, I will turn 30. (What the hell happened to my 20s? I don’t remember them. And I was really only drunk for two years near the beginning so I’m not sure that’s an excuse.) Of course, there will be time later for me to wonder what I’ve been doing for the past decade, and right now I should focus on the task at hand, which is to wonder what what’s been going on for the past year.
Even though I sometimes write for a literary blog, I have a habit of being out of touch with what’s happening in the world of literature these days. It works for me. I read a lot this year, mainly because I needed things to read so I wouldn’t have to read Ulysses (I took a break from it at the end of November and I’m still not done, because I’m so awesome, and also I think it reproduced itself and gave birth to more pages when I wasn’t looking). I think the most contemporary thing I read this year was On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan, which I liked pretty well, and best of all it was short and I read it in about a day. I also read Slowness by Milan Kundera which was also short. Short books: I like them much better than I like long books and I believe that more people should write them. Also I read some other stuff. It was neat. Is this the most boring year in review ever? Perhaps.
Sure, there are other things to discuss about this subject (probably), but you know what I want to talk about? Kanye West’s mullet. Observe:
Would you call that a mullet? I think it’s a mullet. One night last week I was not sleeping because my brain wouldn’t slow down enough for me to close my eyes, even, and I will admit that during that time I did spend a little while contemplating Kanye’s hair. I know. But it’s still not the weirdest thing I’ve caught myself thinking about at three in the morning. Anyway, I finally concluded that it was a mullet, and then I had to wonder if he knows that chicks dig baby deers.
Sometimes I like to call people “friendo.”
That movie came out in 2007. Dammit. But wait, I didn’t see it until 2008, so it works.
I learned that guys like blowjobs. I also learned that during sex I should bust through a wall like I’m the Kool-Aid Man. CAN YOU IMAGINE?
Oh man! Remember when I had a job? Me too. That was awesome. I miss money. I miss it a lot. But I guess I have a job interview tomorrow. (Remember when I had a job interview in November and they said they’d let me know before Thanksgiving and then they didn’t so I figured they were rejecting me? Well they just called and I have to go in tomorrow for a second interview.) I have to drive to the main office in Battle Creek so I will have lots of time (er, 30 minutes) in the car to FREAK OUT. Awesome. Please wish me as much luck as possible.
I went to some weddings but none of them were mine, which is okay with everyone except my grandma (perhaps she has officially given up on me since yesterday she told me to go ahead and adopt a baby) though I did dump someone I wasn’t even dating, which is pretty neat, I guess. Because how often do you get to do that? Well, I’ve done it twice, actually, but only once this year, so the other time doesn’t count, at least not for the purposes of this post. It’s really not as terrible as it sounds, I promise.
Ha! Tito! Wait, I never wrote about that here, did I? Oh well. Trust me, it’s a pretty funny story. I went to an Obama rally and security stole my water. Bastards! And then I got drunk while liveblogging one of the presidential debates. Good times. (I still regret watching the vice presidential debate while sober. It was painful.) Then Obama won the election, and these days I sort of wonder if he reads the news every morning and says “Well, shit.” Because that’s what I do and I don’t even have to be in charge of anything.
To Sum Up
Well, I got some shoes and some lip gloss and there was a haircut or two (two, I think). I walked my dog a lot and I still love her even if today she did jump on my bed when her feet were muddy and now I have to change my sheets. I have a text message saved in my drafts folder on my phone dated 11/11 that says “Can’t. Gotta read.” (Damn Ulysses.) I should probably delete that. I made some stuff out of yarn and I think I maybe invented a scarf pattern but I have to make another one to be sure it wasn’t just a fluke.
In all, I guess it was a middling year. Not terrible, not brilliant, just… eh. I’m okay with middling years, because they sure beat the terrible ones, but I think I’d prefer brilliant, so I guess I’d better get on that.