la la la update la

Why hello there. My internet has been broken for, oh, five days? Six days? I don’t know. It’s still broken, actually, and the only way I’m updating my blog right now is that I’m sending it a message with the power of my mind. What? That’s impossible? Can you prove that I’m NOT sending my blog a message with the power of my mind? You can’t either. SO THERE.

The thing about having no internet is that it forces you to realize how much time you normally spend on the internet. And the other thing about having no internet is that I actually don’t even really miss it. I have so much time now! I had no idea!

Mainly I’ve been writing. You know, because I have so much time to write now that I don’t have to read people’s tweets about what they’re having for dinner. I’m fully capable of admitting that most of this writing I’m doing isn’t even good, but occasionally I’ll write something that makes me realize that I am a golden god. Yesterday I wrote this bit that made me just sit and stare at it in awe for about five minutes and maybe a single tear slid down my cheek. Or maybe not. So there’s that. I’m not going to turn my blog into Jamelah’s Adventures in Novel Writing, because how insanely boring would that be? Let’s not even think about it. In fact, let’s just move on.

So! I carved a pumpkin. That was pretty cool, and the pumpkin turned out all sweet and stuff because the finished product looked like a crow sitting in a tree. Except I screwed up and accidentally cut the crow out of the pumpkin and I had to reattach it with toothpicks. Well, I didn’t have any toothpicks (I must have toothpicks somewhere! What kind of heathen am I?) so I had to break the tops off of some cocktail umbrellas and attach the crow with the pointy skewer ends. What does it say about me that I have a ton of cocktail umbrellas and no toothpicks? Does it say that I’m AWESOME? I think so, yes. Anyway, so my pumpkin was cocktail-umbrella-ed into submission and then you know what happened? Some kind of bastard stole my crow! For real, you guys! MY PUMPKIN WAS VIOLATED. That sounds like it could be a euphemism, but I assure you that it’s not. Do you want to see my violated pumpkin? Of course you do.

Seriously. So I guess I need to throw that away now.

And isn’t it amazing how I inserted photos in this post with the power of my mind? Oh my god, you guys, my mind is so powerful.

The writing and the pumpkin violation and the updating of my blog through the power of my mind pretty much constitute all that is update-worthy, except there was this fun thing with a broken washing machine and it involved a lot of water, but that’s not even a good story, so I’ll skip it. Anyway, hope you’re well and that your internets are all still working just fine and that your pumpkins stay un-violated.

Love,
Jamelah