day two: in the zone

From Brett:

What is your favorite thing to do? Why?

I like to do a lot of things, from sleeping to plotting total world domination (not that I don’t plot total world domination in my sleep because I do, and so to anybody who has ever had to pleasure of sleeping next to me and has wondered what it is that I talk about when I’m asleep, now you know), I suppose that when it comes down to it, my absolute favorite thing to do is to make stuff. I like creating. I’m a person who comes up with approximately a thousand crazy ideas a day. My brain is a busy place, thanks to that ADD business, and so much goes by so quickly that half the time I don’t even notice it, or I might notice it, but it’s gone before I ever really get a chance to process it. So if you ever were to ask me what I’m thinking, I might be able to tell you, but chances are that I probably can’t. If I were to try, it would go something like “That one time in 10th grade algebra and also my bra is stabbing me and what is the DEAL with underwires anyway and you know I could really use a nap right now even though I’m not particularly good at napping but I sure like the IDEA of napping and I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA OH MY GOD wait I forgot nevermind.” Actually, looking back over that, I realize that people who talk to me regularly have probably been treated to statements just like that. They get used to the mid-sentence segues. I think.

See how I can’t stay on track for ANYTHING?

Anyway, I have a lot of ideas, and sometimes I remember them. If I happen to think of it when the idea goes zipping by, I have a little trick for hanging onto it. I say, “Remember that.” And then I do. But sometimes I don’t remember the whole idea, just a fragment, so I often have these odd little idea pieces floating around in my head, and I have to wait for them to make sense. Sometimes they never do. But occasionally, I will remember something entirely, and then comes the fun part. The part where I get to make it happen.

These ideas might be about anything. Could be an idea for a pair of earrings (though the jewelry ideas come much less often these days), or the idea for a blog post or some other kind of writing, or some kind of cooking idea I want to try (apples and bourbon! come to mama!), or maybe a photograph. I like the creative process because it feels like translating: this is what was in my head, and this is what it looks like.

To illustrate why I like making stuff, I’m going to use a photograph and explain the process behind it. I’ve decided to go with this one:

I think I may be prouder of this photo than of any other one I’ve ever made. I could’ve quit after that one and felt fine about it, basically, because not to brag or anything, but that’s a pretty good photo, you know?

I had this image in my head. It looked pretty much exactly like that photo, and I thought “How the hell…?” So I thought I could go get into a bloody fist fight or I could somehow use makeup. I ended up choosing the bloody fist fight makeup, and then I spent an inordinate amount of time smearing thin layers Elmer’s glue on the back of my hand, letting it dry, then smearing some more glue. (Here’s a tip: if you ever need a peely skin effect, and you don’t happen to have any liquid latex handy, Elmer’s glue works like a charm. Unlike several other adhesives, Elmer’s glue is water-soluble. Very important.) Once I got my hand all glued up, I painted my knuckles with red nail polish and dusted some black eyeshadow here & there, and then peeled the glue a bit to get that torn skin look, and then I was finally ready to shoot the photo. I’d say that whole bit — having the idea, thinking how to make the idea work, doing the makeup — took about an hour. Maybe a little more, but somewhere in that neighborhood. Once my hand was ready, I set up a light, and since my bathroom often serves as my photography studio and I’m not fancy, I used a bare bulb set on a shelf. I set the camera on top of a roll of toilet paper (who needs a tabletop tripod?), put the camera on a 2-second timer, set it on its macro setting (point-and-shoot camera, as this was pre-DSLR days) and took four photos, with a slightly different hand position in each one. This is photo number three out of the four. Before removing all the glue and gunk from my hand I checked the photos on my computer to see if I liked them, and I processed one (nothing major — cropped 16×9, and some color/contrast adjusting) and that was it. The entire thing, from beginning to end, took a large chunk of a Saturday morning, and it involved a lot of maniacal cackling to myself, because I love every minute of making something. For me, the idea is just the beginning, and the work of making it come into being is so much fun. And if I end up liking the final product (sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t), then that’s a bonus.

Sometimes I know exactly what I want and I set it up and shoot it and I’m done, but sometimes it evolves and/or becomes more focused as I work. The thing I love about it is that I can have an idea and turn it into something. I love that. I love the whole process. In fact, I often love the process more than I love the final product, because I feel so at home in that space where I’m making something. It’s intensely personal, and I guard it. I was once involved with this fellow who said he’d love to watch me work and I thought “Ew. No.” Maybe that’s weird of me, I don’t know, but it’s something that’s entirely mine and I’m selfish. I don’t mind sharing finished products, and I don’t mind talking about the steps I took to make something, but when I’m actually in the middle of working on something, leave me the hell alone, you know?

Anyway, I guess the biggest reason why I love making stuff is that when it works — and it doesn’t always, because I fail, oh, how I fail — and things just happen and I end up in this zone of creativity where I’m positively buzzing with energy, well, it’s a huge rush. I love it. Favorite thing in the world.