day five: seeing and hearing

From Tom:

if you had to choose between being blind or deaf, which would you choose ?

At first glance, this seems like it would be an easy question to answer. But the more I thought about it, the less certain I was. I honestly cannot imagine not being able to see, because every moment that my eyes are open, I’m seeing. When I’m sitting here at my desk writing, I often look over my shoulder out of the window at the maple tree across the street (I’m one of those people who don’t have to look at the keyboard while I type, and I never thought much about this, since I thought being able to touch-type was a common skill, but I remember once I was working and someone stopped at my desk and I looked at him but kept typing while he was talking to me and he said “You’re FREAKING me OUT”) and I don’t know. I don’t think about it. My eyes are open, and I look. Plus there’s the fact that I like to look at things: art, horrible television, people’s faces, that maple tree across the street, dogs, sunsets, the moon, whatever. And books. Yes I know there are audiobooks, but screw that, because I like reading things on paper with pages I can turn. It’s a very important thing for me. I never really thought about it before, but being able to see informs pretty much every moment of my waking life, and if I lost that ability, I’m sure I’d find a way to handle it, but it’s a pretty big deal.

Though I do get asked if I’m blind pretty regularly because I tend to be sort of… oblivious. I don’t necessarily equate actual blindness with obliviousness, but I have a problem where I don’t see things that are right in front of my face, which is something we can interpret either literally or figuratively. It’s equally true in either case. In fact, to go back to yesterday’s question, one of my prerequisites for a life partner, if I were ever to find such a person, is that he has to be good at finding things, because you know how people say “She would lose her head if it weren’t attached?” They say that about me. I’m awful. I lose everything and then I CAN’T FIND IT. I’m hopeless, but oh so much fun when I’m trying to get out of the door and I’m running late and I can’t find my shoes I can’t find my phone I can’t find my purse I can’t find my other earring I can’t find my keys, etc., and then I get frustrated and crymad and really, I’m delightful. What was my point? I’m oblivious? Something.

On the other hand, I might be pretty heartbroken if I could never hear “Total Eclipse of the Heart” ever again. Shut up. IT’S AWESOME. Even so, I tend to tune things out a lot. I have a habit of getting lost in thought and not hearing anything that’s happening around me. And I like quiet. I like it a lot. I crave it when things get too busy or noisy, and then when I get some silence, I get mad if it gets interrupted (this is why phones are of the devil). I don’t like it when people talk all the time, which is funny, because if you know me, then you know that I often have a hard time shutting the hell up sometimes. I’m weird. I’m either very quiet, sometimes to the point where other people will think I’m standoffish or even somewhat rude, but if I know you really well, I might talk you to death, especially if I’ve had too much caffeine. But I’m also a very big fan of the companionable silence. One of my very favorite things is when I’m so comfortable with someone that we don’t even have to talk.

Do I have to make sense?

Anyway, I guess after all of that, if I had to choose between:

A. Not being able to see, or

B. Never being able to listen to “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (and then, of course, breaking into dance) ever again,

then I have to go with B.

There.