day six: ew.

From Brittney:

What is the most disgusting thing you have ever eaten, and what were the circumstances leading to its consumption?

Why is this question so hard? I am having a really hard time thinking of something truly disgusting, which would make for a more interesting story, and I feel like it would be cheating if I were to say “A raw tomato.”

There was one time when I was about six and someone dared me to eat cat food so I did. I don’t really remember much about this, other than “I dare you to eat cat food,” and “Okay.” It also wasn’t that bad. I mean, it didn’t become my favorite food or anything, but it didn’t make me want to barf.

Wait. You know what? I just thought of something. One time I was in a contest, and we each were given a jar of baby food. The thing was that the jar was a bunch of different baby food flavors mixed together. I had peas and bananas, and I hate bananas anyway (long story) and there was something else, something meat-flavored. There were four of us in this competition and we had to stand there and eat the baby food, and whoever finished their jar first won. Everybody had a different completely disgusting mixture, by the way. We weren’t given spoons or anything, so it was up to each contestant whether they wanted to try to use a finger as a makeshift spoon or if they just wanted to pour it in like it was some horrible thick beverage, like a room-temperature milkshake from hell. I went for the “pour it in” method, because it was all about winning, and then I didn’t win, which was so disappointing, because how do you spell the sound of a dry heave? So gross. One girl threw up, and do you know how hard it is to keep eating when you can hear the person right next to you heaving her guts out? Very difficult to keep the gag reflex in check. Nevermind the fact that I was eating bananas and peas and, I don’t know, turkey and rice or something.

Why was I in a contest involving the speedy consumption of baby food? Part of it was that I didn’t actually know that that was what the contest was when I was all “Oooh! Pick me!” I’m one of those competitive people. My competitiveness often manifests itself in really stupid ways, like I will turn things that aren’t competitions into competitions. I can think of an example:

When I was in high school I was in this class (I was in a lot of classes in high school) and we had to take notes. I don’t know if the point of our note-taking sessions was to teach us how to take notes or what, but the teacher would say something and we’d all furiously write it down, and then she’d repeat what she just said for anyone who missed it the first time. At some point, I started thinking this was irritating, so to entertain myself, I made up a game wherein I had to finish writing before she got around to repeating. If I made it, then I won, but if I didn’t, then I lost. Stupid, yes. Especially when I realized that it was completely pointless because it wasn’t like I didn’t have to wait for everybody to finish writing before I got to move on anyway.

So the point is that I like competing and competition tends to motivate me, even if it’s some pointlessly dumb competition I made up in my head to entertain myself. And if I hear somebody needs volunteers for a contest, I’m all “Sign me up!” This is how I ended up eating a baby food parfait of awfulness.

Anyway, now it’s my turn to ask a question. Have you ever EATEN baby food? It’s vile. Sure, it would probably be less vile if not mixed into a completely incongruous flavor profile, but even so, wow. That shit ain’t right.