day twenty two: lies!

I am not a fan of acronyms in general. I don’t like them. They make things seem unnecessarily jargony, and I am definitely not a fan of jargon. I am especially not a fan of many of the acronyms that have sprung into life thanks to the internet, though some I’m more willing to put up with than others, and then of course there’s the one for “I am not a lawyer” (IANAL) which makes me giggle every time I see it, because hi, I’m 12.

Seriously? IANAL? That’s almost as good as the commercial for this acid reflux medication:

Nobody said that out loud when they were brainstorming the product name? Really?

Anyway, this morning I was looking at Twitter, and saw this:

“would like to beg people to stop using ‘lol’ as though it were a punctuation mark. It’s not. Or, just stop using it entirely.”

I would like to applaud Matt for this. I would also like to applaud his use of the subjunctive “were” instead of using the indicative “was” because really, stop saying “was” when you mean “were” okay? Anyway, huzzah and kudos to you, sir.

He has a point, you know. I’ve always had a problem with LOL, because while I am rather fond of laughing, right out loud, I feel that these three letters get thrown around entirely too much, to the point where it’s completely unbelievable. LOL has made me suspicious. I don’t believe every time someone says that they are laughing out loud that they’re actually laughing out loud. I think they may be mildly amused, that they may perhaps have cracked a smile, but I don’t think they’re laughing. I’ve gotten a lot of emails during the workday that are full to overflowing with LOL, and I seriously doubt that people are sitting at their desks, cracking the hell up all day long.

So, let’s just say that people who LOL all the time are big fat liars.

I think we should take a stand against this. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like it when people lie to me. And really, if people can’t even be honest about something small, like the fact that they aren’t actually laughing out loud, then what else are they lying about? I can’t trust anything they say. What if we go out to dinner and I ask if I have something in my teeth and they say no and I really have something in my teeth and then I try to flash my most winning smile at someone cute and he is clearly turned off by the fact that yes, I did have the broccoli as a side, and I end up dying cold and alone just because people can’t tell the truth anymore? WHAT ABOUT THAT, HUH? Don’t people THINK about the consequences of their actions? Oh, they think it’s so cute, sitting at their desks, not even remotely laughing out loud, typing “LOL this” and “LOL that” and “OMG LOL” and meanwhile, nobody will find my dead body for days.

OH, CUTESINESS. WHAT MISERY HATH YOU WROUGHT?

So really. It’s time to make this stop. And stopping starts with you. If you’re a chronic LOLer, think before you type. Are you laughing out loud? No? Then don’t write that you are. It’s very simple. And if you, like me, are tired of being lied to every time you read someone’s LOL-filled emails and tweets and Facebook updates and text messages, then I urge you to stand up against the tide of faux-laughing. Remember — you don’t have to die alone.

Thank you.