So this morning, there I was in my car, driving down I-94, as I do pretty much every day, when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head and looked. It was a spider, dangling from my driver’s side window. While this most assuredly would be amazingly uncool at any time of day, I think the uncoolness of the situation was heightened by the fact that it wasn’t even 7:15 a.m. yet. It was, I don’t know, but judging by my location on the road, maybe 7:09, which is –let’s face it — far too early in the day to discover an arachnid just chillingout alarmingly close to my face. I took about 1 second to weigh my options:
1. Jump from my moving vehicle to my certain death, comforted in my last seconds only by the fact that it’s probably better to die in a traffic accident than to have a spider eat my face,
2. Let the spider eat my face, thereby causing a traffic accident and die in a fiery inferno of exploding cars and also have no face, or
3. Kill the spider because seriouslyWHAT THE HELL
and after contemplating each for a few miliseconds, I chose the third option. So, while traveling along at 70 miles per hour (because I most assuredly never speed), I leaned over and grabbed a napkin from my glove compartment. I keep a massive stash of napkins in there, because you never know when you’re going to need a napkin, and I get made fun of fairly regularly for how many napkins are in there, though it’s always by passengers in my car who open the glove compartment to get a napkin, so hey, shut up. Once the glove compartment was closed, I reached over with my right hand — while keeping my left on the wheel, because what am I, a reckless driver? — and, keeping my eyes on the road because I was near an interchange and I didn’t want to run into anybody while committing spider murder, KILLED THE SPIDER.
It’s always good to start the week with a victory, I think.
Yes I know about the typos. I wrote this on my phone. Will fix later.
Posted by jamelah | July 2, 2012, 1:10 pmA: I hope you didn’t write this on your phone while driving, and;
B: WHAT IS IT WITH EVERYONE I KNOW THAT THEY FEEL IT IS THEIR IMPERATIVE TO KILL SPIDERS???
For pity’s sake! It’s a tiny bug that eats more annoying bugs! Yeesh! I have a lovely little green one living quite happily in the lamp over my kitchen sink. One makes it’s web over my driver’s side rear view mirror every night and rides to work with me.
DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S BAD LUCK TO KILL SPIDERS???
Posted by oldhamedia | July 2, 2012, 1:25 pmA. No, I wasn’t driving.
B. I don’t mind spiders. I mean, kind of. They give me the heebie-jeebies, and it is perhaps for that reason that I leave them alone, for the most part. I don’t care if they do their thing, but doing their thing a few inches away from my face in my car is a bit much for me to be able to handle, hence the spider hit job this morning. I always heard that killing spiders would make it rain, and I wouldn’t mind some rain. Goodness, Michigan is hot and crispy these days.
Posted by jamelah | July 2, 2012, 5:44 pmomg – you kill spiders when there’s no other viable option & you blog via your phone. too cool. i thought the typos were intentional, used for added effect. – and now, may the world become your oyster… judih
Posted by talkingnow | July 2, 2012, 2:34 pmI’m leaving the typos. I’ve decided I like them.
Posted by jamelah | July 2, 2012, 5:44 pm