Below is a list of some of my better posts, as determined entirely by me. So if you’re new here, this may be a good way to get acquainted with the flavor of jamelah.net. (It’s zesty!) This list is in order from newest to oldest, and each link comes with its own handy blurb to help you determine whether or not you might want to click through and read what’s on the other side. Though I’m sure you probably want to read all of these posts. Probably again and again. They’re that good. Here we go:
i think it would take longer than five minutes
Hi there, 21-year-old me. How are things? Stressful and awkward? You’re just about to graduate from college! I know, I know, it’s not even spring break yet, and you are SO STRESSED OUT, but it’s all going to be okay. Sorry that you will spend your graduation ceremony sitting next to a frat boy who is sweating gin out of his pores.
moments when there’s nobody to murder
You write this in the second person like giving yourself that little bit of distance will provide some perspective, will make it make sense.
november playlist: shellac
I thought I was in love, painfully, overwhelmingly in love with a skinny, green-eyed boy who was in a band (of course he was). I would never tell him how I felt, instead thinking he would figure it out if I was around enough, and the extent of our relationship, such as it was (I use the term broadly) was talking about books, occasionally arguing, and mostly staring uncomfortably at each other.
november playlist: the stone roses
Anyway, you know how some things just create immediate associations? Since that night, which was one of those nights we all have, and you know the type — So, That Happened… Awesome — I’ve associated The Stone Roses with this guy I went out with on a weird non-date nearly a decade and a half ago, and if I heard one of their songs or someone mentioned them or whatever, my brain would drag out that memory, down to the feeling of spilled sugar beneath my fingertips as I wondered to myself what the Sgt. Peppers were of the generations prior to the release of Sgt. Pepper.
the boy i was going to marry
When I was, well, according to the date in the corner of this photograph, it’s August 1982, which means I was not quite 3, my family went to Arkansas. I don’t remember much about this trip, because I was not quite 3 at the time, but I do remember a few things about it. I remember following my uncle Ted (actually my great uncle) around like a puppy because I thought he was THE COOLEST. EVER. And I remember learning that you can’t actually sit on the surface of water without something to hold you up. (Yes, I tried to sit on water.) (Of course I did.) And I met the boy I was going to marry
day nine: george michael vs. justin timberlake
Okay. Let’s break it down.
words words words
Last night, I was trying to fall asleep (this is more difficult sometimes than others) and I couldn’t because I thought “You know, people don’t say ‘flummoxed’ enough.” And then I started thinking of other words I wish I heard more, which turned into a series of thoughts about words I like and words I dislike and I figured I might as well write about it.
I’d like to provide those among us who may be hobbling through the unemployed life with a list of reasons why it’s not so bad. Everything changes, this too shall pass, blah blah etc., so let’s enjoy this for what it is, shall we?
favorite things 7: my name
It’s an odd thing, having a name that’s a conversation piece, because after I say what my name means, I often end up having to explain how I got it, where my dad is from, Middle Eastern geography (“Yemen? Where’s that?”), blah blah blah, there are times when I wish I could just say “Hi, I’m Jamelah” and be done with it.
in which i declare myself the world’s only living authority on the hotness of reading material
I am hereby announcing myself as the world’s only living authority on the hotness of reading material. You want to know if what you’re reading is hot? (I mean, why else do you read?) I’m here to help.
favorite things 4: superman ice cream
I remember being at a birthday party once when I was a kid and there was black cherry ice cream with big cherries in it and I think I might have cried. Just so you know. Cherries make me bawl.
are you mispronouncing my name?
Watch and learn
teacups to beer bottles
I heard some noise outside of my window, like some person with nervously shaky hands carrying teacups wobbling in their saucers. But it was a lot louder than that. It was like maybe this person had 100 hands and 100 wobbly teacups. It’s one of those thoughts that only makes sense when I’m more than half asleep.
favorite things 2: books
I write about books enough that it is obvious for me to choose them as one of my favorite things to write about here; it’s along the lines of “Oh, you like books? Duh.” I think the thing is, though, that for me, loving books is about more than appreciating writing or enjoying reading. I do appreciate writing (when it’s good) and I do enjoy reading. But, yeah. There’s more to it than that.
me jane: the clothing of one’s loins
Is it just for when you’re hanging around your house? Saturday morning, you’re doing laundry, walking around in your loincloth? Oh how liberating.
someone should make a movie about my life
But maybe one day I will finally remember and the memories will play in my brain like a montage (with an accompanying soundtrack) and I will realize who I truly am, and of course being maybe or maybe not a spy with access to all kinds of neato spy gadgets and whatnot, I will find my family and we will be reunited and then I would have to kill some bad guys in order to live in peace, which I would totally do, because there’s no sacrifice too great for my family and all, and then I will settle down into a domestic life and my grandma will finally stop nagging me.
is your betty ready?
Anyway, this morning, before I’d even had any coffee, mind you, I clicked on the link she sent me and wound up at bettybeauty.com, reading a poem about holiday pube dye.
if they mated…
Anyway, this got me to thinking about Jane Austen books and the sex lives their characters might’ve had if they were actual people who lived on beyond the end of their respective novels, and — does this make me nerdy or what? — I’ve drawn some conclusions about them based on my reading.
diy photo mosaics
I got an email today asking how I made a mosaic of pictures of my dog being a dork in the snow (she didn’t quite phrase it that way) and I started replying but wasn’t sure if a couple of the things I was explaining would make sense without seeing what I was talking about, so I made a few screenshots and turned it into a tutorial.
i have arrived! i have not arrived!
This just goes to show you that arriving is a fluid process, and as soon as you do arrive, you don’t.
with a matchmaker like this…
Since that fateful July evening a little more than a decade ago, I have kept not getting married and she has kept after me, offering advice on what I should do and how I should behave in order to catch a husband so that my life will finally — finally — have meaning.
help me, gmail mail goggles, you’re my only hope
Somewhere around the third email you realize that you are more drunk than you thought you were and you further realize that all your friends are married and here you are, drunk and alone on a Saturday night, reading emails from a guy who probably doesn’t even like you that way — he’s really cute, and it’s been casual, you don’t even know, maybe he already has a girlfriend — and you look at yourself in the mirror and notice that your eye makeup is smudged and you can’t help but wonder how your life has gone so horribly, horribly wrong.
i’ve found my mission in life
The other night I was having a very important discussion. It was about cartoons. During the course of this discussion, I came to the conclusion that people don’t say “drat” enough, and I have taken it upon myself to restore this word to its former glory.