Jul 30 2002
79595876
a personals ad from the edge
i was thinking this morning about the type of men i attract vs. the type of men i’d like to attract. so, as a random attempt at humor, here’s a fake something i wrote outlining the qualities of my apparent boy wonder:
looking for love in all the wrong places? look no further, i’m your girl. tell me, are you:
-mentally abusive?
-weird?
-smelly?
-angry at the world?
-full of unresolved issues about your mother?
-lazy?
-humorless?
-insensitive?
do you:
-have a substance abuse problem?
-think the world is out to get you?
-exhibit antisocial behavior?
-bitch constantly?
-think nothing’s as important as your, ahem, art?
-really want to hurt me? really want to make me cry?
-always carry a pen?
will you:
-make me feel that i am less important than the friends you made over the internet by spending hours chatting on aol while i’m sitting in the same room as you?
-try to kill someone?
-cheat on me?
-invite me over to your house to show me vacation pictures and cleverly sneak in a photograph of you naked?
-make me pay for everything?
-openly and rather lecherously check out other women while we’re on a date?
-stalk me?
-objectify me?
-physically attack me?
-plan our wedding after two days of knowing me?
-make me curse god for not making me a lesbian?
if you answered yes to some of the above questions, then hey… congrats. you’ve got something in common with at least one of the schmucks i’ve been fortunate enough to have had a relationship with.
