Aug 13 2002
80195895
after i finish writing this, i will be over it
ok, i’ve done some complaining about how the only guys i seem to attract are either:
a. alcoholics
b. drug addicts
c. completely insane
but the other side of the coin is that i am an idiot. i only like them if they’re inaccessible in one of the following ways:
a. living very very far away
b. married/dating someone else
c. completely not interested in me
i have issues. i would go into detail about why exactly i’m an idiot this time, but i don’t feel like it, because, well… it’s bad. and thinking about it makes me wince. but the short version of it would be that i knew he was just using me and i completely fell for him anyway, thinking that if i was….enough….. then it would end up being ok. but of course it didn’t end up being ok. because he was just using me and i knew it.
i hate the way i lie to myself. and now that i have gotten it out, in the most general terms possible, i’ve decided that i’m over it. because there’s no point in being sad over something that i knew was never going to happen in the first place. enough. blah. i’m done. though i think i’m switching my “if i’m not in a happy relationship by ______, then i will become a lesbian” date back from age 30 to age 25. that still leaves me 2 years.
