Feb 18 2005
the end of the road
It’s funny how life changes in a year.
When time switched over to 2004, I was unemployed, ridiculously broke, and couldn’t even get an interview. I was staying up late every night, plowing through submissions for the LitKicks book, and I lived in a state of constant freakout about this boy with an impossible grin, unending charm, and the most beautiful hands.
And now, a year later, I have a job, the LitKicks book is done (and it’s a really fabulous deal for $17.50… you and all your friends should buy one), and I no longer freak out about the boy.
Anyway, today is a momentous day. Today is the last day of my AmeriCorps term. Granted, I have another job lined up (in the same office, no less), but doing what I’ve done over the past year has been great, and so it’s time for me to play the nostalgia card.
Yeah. I ended up in AmeriCorps not because I had some high ideal of serving my country and changing my little corner of the world, but because I needed a job most desperately, and this is the one that happened. I didn’t even realize the scope of what I had signed up to be a part of until I went to my pre-service training in Atlanta and saw how many other people were a part of this thing called national service. When I came home from Atlanta, I was faced with some pretty lofty goals, the most challenging of which was stepping in to lead a group of teenagers — to earn their respect and their trust and get them to like me. I had worked with kids before when I volunteered in youth ministry, so I wasn’t completely unprepared, but every group of kids is completely different, and it wasn’t an easy road. Respect isn’t cheap.
I did what I could. I felt good about what I was doing as much as I felt completely frustrated and at a loss. On top of all this, I had to demonstrate growth, show numbers, write reports. I was tired almost all of the time. I thought about work all day long, every day. I worked nights, weekends. Went to a lot of meetings. Made a lot of phone calls. Shook a lot of hands. Cried more than once.
And then, a month ago, I had my last event with the kids. We had record turnout and a lot of fun, and also raised a lot of money for a good local cause. When I went home that day, I thought to myself how funny it was that as soon as I felt I was really hitting my stride, well, that was when everything was winding to a close.
And now, now I’m not going to be the leader anymore. I’ve promised the kids that I’ll still be around, because I will, but it’s strange. I’m on to new things. I’m excited about those new things, honestly, because I like the challenge of stepping in and proving myself, but at the same time, I wish I had another year.
Today is my last day in AmeriCorps. I don’t know how much of a change I made, but I feel proud of the tiny accomplishments that came out of the year. I guess that’s all. Happy Friday to you.
