Apr 27 2005
alien baby head*
Today, my chiropractor explained to me that my neverending headache is due to the fact that my top vertebrae (vertebra?) is stabbing the base of my skull, but it’s a fixable problem. Presumably, the method of fixing this is to have him turn my head around exorcist-style, so that all the bones in my neck snap, crackle and pop like a veritable bowl of Rice Krispies, but this works for me because hey, I love my chiropractor.
In any case, I have discovered that having a headache every minute of every day really has a negative effect on my mood, but since I hate me when I whine (posts from yesterday notwithstanding), I’ve decided to do what I do best — carry on like everything is dandyriffic.** As such, I’ve decided to engage in what has become one of my favorite forms of blog writing. Yes, that’s right. The open letter. Contain yourselves, please.
An Open Letter to the People Who Read My Blog
Dear People Who Read My Blog,
Hey. What’s up? Ever stab yourself in the head with one of your own bones? No? Well, I’ll tell you now not to try it — I do these things so you don’t have to.
No, really.
Tonight, I was watching America’s Next Top Model (oh yes, People Who Read My Blog, I am a total junkie for reality tv, for I have found that it is addictive, like the substance we all lovingly refer to as “crack cocaine”***) and I think that show is completely awful. Furthermore, I totally didn’t need to see Janice Dickinson’s ass. Yet, watching model-wannabes cry is strangely satisfying. It goes well with popcorn. I also watched American Idol and was incredibly pleased with the ousting of Constantine Maroulis, because he is creepy and he has a weird chin. In case you didn’t know this, People Who Read My Blog, the chin is a completely undervalued facial feature. I’m just saying.
What am I saying, exactly? Your guess is as good as mine, really.
So anyway, People Who Read My Blog, how were your respective days, respectively? Do anything fun? Read any good books? Drink any pi�a coladas and get caught in the rain? Huh? Yes, I say let’s talk about you for a change. Because, you know, why not? Go on, tell me a story. I obviously don’t have one, and somebody’s got to do it.
Or something.
In closing, People Who Read My Blog, I have chosen to leave you with this. Because everyone should watch it once. At least.
Love,
Jamelah
p.s. We can just blame this whole thing on the fact that I have an alien baby head.
*Earlier this evening, I said, “Yes, my alien baby is gestating in my brain.” So now that title bit makes sense.
**Great word, no? Please fell obligated to pay me royalties whenever you use it, because I have to buy a new car. Ahem.
***Not that I’ve ever been addicted to the substance we all lovingly refer to as “crack cocaine”. Because I prefer Survivor.
