Sep 28 2005
my listless youth*
1. For those of you who watch Lost — what the HELL? I know, I know. That’s what they want me to think. I’m such a pawn.
2. If I haven’t done so already, I’ll just come out and admit that I totally love watching America’s Next Top Model, not because it’s a good show, or anything, but because, dear me, it’s the most entertaining trainwreck of a mess I have ever seen. I’m embarrassed, yes, but whenever it’s on, I can’t look away! It’s so horrifying! And hilarious! And horrifying! And there was a man in a polka dotted dress yelling at all the scared little model wannabes while they shopped on Rodeo Drive! God bless America! Or something.
3. I know that she’s actually singing “color of cafe au lait”. Really, I do. But in that version of “Lady Marmalade” that’s on the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, it sounds like Christina (or Xtina, as all the cool kids call her these days) is singing “until you can’t feel your leg” which, I’m sure we can agree, is much more interesting, all things considered.
4. Sometimes I wish I had punctuation in my name. Yeah. J’melah. Or maybe that should be J’Melah. Actually, I have a nickname with punctuation, but I’m not going to tell you what it is, because it’s a really long story that involves revealing the other nickname I had for about seven years until I was finally able to rid myself of it. Mostly. There are a few people who still use it, and even though I’ve come to hate it, I love those people, so I won’t be bitter. The truth is that I have roughly a million nicknames (you try having a first name like mine and not having a million nicknames), and this, combined with the billions of ways people mangle my name when they try to say it, means that I answer to just about anything. My favorite is “does not rhyme with Pamela” which my friend Angus used to greet me with. And I think it’s appropriate that I ended that sentence about Angus with a preposition, though I wish I could’ve gotten a split infinitive in there somehow. Ah, I slay me for reasons that are both inexplicable and not funny to anybody but me.
5. Tomorrow, I swear, I am going to finish that Neil Gaiman book so I can write my review of it before it gets any later and more irrelevant. You heard it here first.
*Ha! That’s the title for a list! Get it? Yeah, okay, that’s not funny at all. I know.
