May 14 2007
on myspace ads, part the second
I don’t know if MySpace ads are really as wonderfully entertaining as I think they are, but whatever, they’re hilarious. I will not admit how many times I hit F5 today to get this latest batch for today’s post, but I will say that it was somewhere in between a lot and a whole lot. Okay? So. Let us begin.
Match.com: Find intellectual guys near you
Okay. I am all for finding intellectual guys, because there’s nothing I hate more than stupid men. Well, except for when I eat popcorn and I get it stuck between my teeth. I really hate that. Anyway. We all know that wearing argyle and reading books are true signs of intellect, so Match.com has got it covered:
Oh yeah, baby. He’s getting hotter by the SECOND. But wait. IT GETS BETTER!!! HE KNOWS PHYSICS!
It never quite pans all the way, but that totally says E=MC2. Did I just have an orgasm? Okay no, I didn’t. Must’ve been something I ate. Anyway:
In the end, Hottie McSmartypants (um, whatever) has an apple. But he wants me. I know what that look means. Mmmhmmm. It means that I’d better sign up for Match.com so I can find myself an argyle-wearing, fruit-loving intellectual dude. Yeah. I’ll keep that in mind, Match.com. Totally. I will.
Win an iPod!
It’s Usher! And in case you didn’t know this, Usher got the voice to make your booty go <clap!> Absolutely true. Ludacris says so.
True.com: He likes a good shiraz
Is it hot in here, or is it just kendoll1? My goodness. He’s on a bed, he has a laptop. Color me seduced. Er, um, okay, not so much. And it just gets worse from there:
Uh, is he putting the moves on that dog? Because, well… it looks like he’s putting the moves on that dog. And you know what Janeane Garofalo says in The Truth About Cats & Dogs? “You can love your pets, you just can’t LOVE your pets.” So true. So very true.
Casual Sex
I don’t actually have much to say about this one, but I think it’s kinda funny. Especially because these two people are obviously in an elevator, which means, hey, LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR!!! Going down? God, sorry. I have Aerosmith-Tourette’s. So anyway, let’s have a discussion. I’ll give you a topic. Casual sex: not actually casual? Discuss.
It’s ok to look… baby Usher … a dog on man encounter … and Aerosmith-Tourette’s.
You’re like a solid gold dancer. Of blogging.
Kendoll1 does look like a Ken doll. Why is he so weirdly shiny?
Also, I am so not attracted to Mr Intellectual. I’m not sure what else they could have done to make him look more like Mr Male Model Man Dressed As A Nerd But Really He’s A Male Model. I’m pretty sure he knows what styling gel is, Meekus.
Maybe they could have found Hottie McSmartypants a sweater in his own size? And one that didn’t look like a horrible Fathers’ Day gift?
On casual sex: if in an elevator, yes, it’s casual. If wearing opera-length gloves, then no.
i hate when a popcorn kernel gets stuck on the roof of my mouth, like back there by my tonsils. and i just can’t get it out of there.
match.com’s entire branding campaign is a mess. on the tv, they tell you, “it’s okay to look.” so, you know what? i tried. even though i’m not really looking for a match at the moment. and you know what? it’s not okay to look! they make you fill out a whole profile before you even get a chance to look. about 3 minutes into attempting that, i quit and watched the simpsons, which is better than a match anyway.
Hahaha… did you see the “hey play this game and win a free GC/ring tone/etc!” one that is called “Out-blow the blonde”?? Hee hee.
My favorite match.com “catch” is the fake doctor who listens to your screen (just waiting for the day he can listen to your heart?) with a stethescope that DOES NOT WORK. It’s broken. It’s as effective listening to your screen with a tampon.
Match.com was too cheap to spring for non-busted props.
But Mr. Intellectual Guys Near You is also Mr. Doctors Near You (scrubs, clipboard and vacant expression) and Mr. Musicians Near You (leather jacket, guitar, inexplicable smoky eye makeup and aforementioned vacant expression).
Somebody get me THAT guy’s number. He’s got it ALL.
Caryn — Did I ever tell you that when I was a kid, I wanted to BE a Solid Gold dancer? Life dream, right there.
srah — Also he has a pointy head. Kendoll, not Mr. Intellectual. And Mr. Intellectual? Pretty much totally not hot. He’s like the sex appeal equivalent of someone’s grandpa. Argyle. Seriously.
Frauelien N — Interesting about the opera gloves. Of course now I’m wondering if opera gloves are a general requirement of non-casual sex.
wifey — Heh. I once did the match.com thing for a month or something on a dare. Hiiiiiiiiiiiilarious. It’s great, I guess, if you like getting lame pickup lines in your email all day. So, consider yourself grateful that you didn’t make it through the signup process.
emily ann — Heh. Yes. I think I’ve seen every MySpace ad there is. My poor eyes.
meg — Oh, that one is my favorite. But could I get MySpace to play that one? Nooooooo. But did I get weird cartoon diplomas telling me I could earn my degree online in a year about 40,000 times? Of course. Now I want to try listening to my screen with a tampon.
Lesley — He does. Especially the vacant expression that is, of course, the true sign of hotness beyond measure.
Hey, it works for Keanu Reeves, that vacant expression thing.
Keanu Reeves: Hmm. This woman is talking to me. I bet if I listen very carefully I can understand her words.
Woman: Look at that soulful expression. He’s so hot.
Why does baby Usher look like Webster??
baby usher TOTALLY looks like webster! in fact, when i saw that, i thought, “none of those names are the names of the actor who played webster.” i have forgotten that actor’s name.
Linus — Heh. I dunno if the blank expression is what works for Keanu Reeves, or if it’s the prettiness.
tiff, wifey — Dudes! I didn’t notice, but you are TOTALLY RIGHT. By the way, Webster was played by the estimable Emmanuel Lewis. He’s all grown up now and once I saw him rapping on The Surreal Life. It was kind of amazing. He likes being called Manny. I am not making this up.
Say Yes to Michigan! Gotta love 80’s tourism campaigns.
Or the lesser known: Say Yah to da U.P. eh?
Hi J. Heee. Yes, and it seems like there are a bazillion people down here with the “say yah” bumper sticker on their cars.
I really wish I knew this models name. I have been searching for it for a long time. But the Doctor version with this guy is way hotter.