jamelah.net

I always usually review my year when my birthday rolls around, so it seems kind of silly to do it again three-something months later, but it is the end of the year, which is typically a time for reviewing things, so silliness be damned, I’m going to review them, reviewingly. Let’s do this. (It’s a list, so it’s not as long as it seems, I swear.)

I. Top Four Text Messages Saved In My Phone

A. Explain yer boobs!

B. We’re @ the orthodontist. They’re playing “i’ve had the time of my life”

C. Never date someone who is a bigger bitch than you. Wait, is anyone a bigger bitch than you? Don’t hit me.

D. Because you are hot. Have you even looked at yourself lately? Have mercy.

II. Top Four Things My Grandma Said To Me About Getting Married
A. That if I got married, I could outlive my husband

B. That she has picked out the church where my wedding should take place, provided it ever happens

C. That if I got married, I could finally start having babies (I did not explain to her that marriage isn’t prerequisite for that)

D. That if I got married, she would give me some dishes

III. Top Four Things That Irritated Me

A. Songs by Fergie

B. When I ordered a bacon cheeseburger and there was no bacon on it

C. Losing one (but just the one) of my favorite shoes for six months, finding it, then losing it again

D. When my wireless internet just randomly decides to stop working

IV. Top Four Things That Made Me Giddy-Excited

A. Finding out that I got into my Arabic program so I could quit my job and move to Ann Arbor on a day when my job was making me want to slit my wrists

B. Finishing aforementioned Arabic program

C. Songs by Justin Timberlake (shut it)

D. My new blowdryer. Oh my god, you guys? It’s ceramic? And my hair? Oh my god. I think it’s not communist anymore.

V. Top Four Weird Dreams I Had

A. The one where I went to Levi and Caryn’s wedding with this guy who… hm. Let’s just call him an ex because it’s easier than explaining. And then another ex showed up. And hilarity ensued.

B. The one where Brad Pitt was in my hometown doing a project with the United Way and somehow I was working on the project (not totally implausible, because I sometimes do projects with the United Way, though completely implausible from the Brad Pitt angle) and I met him and said “I really didn’t think you were hot anymore, but have mercy” and the mayor and the director of the United Way and my former boss were standing next to me and I said “Also could you please kill me now?”

C. The one where I was trapped in the bathroom at my old high school and I found a pack of cigarettes glued to the wall

D. The one where I was in a spelling bee and I didn’t win. Not possible.

VI. Top Four Times I Had Fun With My Mom

A. Going wine tasting and I forgot my ID so she had to try all the wine and I called her a lush

B. When we went out on her birthday

C. That time we were watching TV and this commercial for a, um, male-enhancement drug (which apparently has been on the market for five years) came on and she started narrating: “Five years ago, I had a tiny penis” and I followed with, “And now, five years later, I still have a tiny penis” and we laughed and laughed

D. The 95th time we went lamp shopping

VII. Top Four Movies I Watched

A. Children of Men (I love you, Clive Owen. Also, your name is Clive.)

B. Waitress

C. Hot Fuzz

D. Brick (a little old, but I just saw it the other night, and damn, yo)

VIII. Top Four Books I Read, A List Which Could Also Be Titled “Screw Recent Fiction”

A. Agnes Grey, by Anne Bronte

B. The Maltese Falcon, by Dashiell Hammett

C. To the Lighthouse, by Virginia Woolf

D. Immortality, by Milan Kundera (I read it once a year, and as long as I keep doing this, I have a feeling it’s going to make the list)

IX. Top Four Albums To Which I Listened, Heh

A. Sky Blue Sky - Wilco

B. Easy, Tiger - Ryan Adams

C. In Rainbows - Radiohead

D. Let’s Get Out of This Country - Camera Obscura (I also loved it last year, but a love like that doesn’t go away too easily)

X. Top Four Clothing Purchases

A. Brown pants

B. Turquoise sweater

C. White shirt

D. Haiku Threadless tee

XI. Top Four Favorite Things About Arabic Camp

A. When that guy Adam sitting behind me would say “Ya Jamelah” and I’d turn around and say “Ya Adam” and then we’d flip each other off

B. Trying to work the word for “chicken” into as many conversations as possible, because damn, I am irrationally fond of the word for “chicken”

C. Study sessions with Kyle where we’d just go “Yeah, I don’t know. Do you know this stuff?” and then we’d drink too much caffeine and not study

D. Mastering the pronunciation of the letter غ

XII. Top Four Favorite Random Conversations I Had With Caryn

A. The one about getting knocked up by Ryan Adams and living with him in a trailer in South Dakota

B. The one about my boobs. Well, at least one of the ones about my boobs (they seem to be subjects of conversation on a pretty regular basis)

C. Buddhaface

D. The one where I tried to explain the plot of Trapped in the Closet and could not, because seriously, how do you explain the plot of Trapped in the Closet? and then I gave up and sent a link to the full video

XIII. Top Four Random Conversations I Had With Other People

A. After going to see The Vagina Monologues (with two guys, natch), discussing what my vagina’s theme song would be (”Ooh La La” by Goldfrapp, obviously)

B. The one about the genetics of colorblindness

C. The one which involved all the speculation about how much porn (name withheld) was really watching at work, and the conclusion was “a hell of a lot”

D. The one about Rambo

XIV. Top Four Times I Made An Ass Out of Myself

A. When I was simultaneously talking to a city council man and picking up my purse from the ground and I realized that my boobs were thisclose to escaping from my shirt, and then I started mumbling about them and then I got embarrassed and I think he got embarrassed and we both just walked away

B. When this boy kissed me and my head got all swimmy and I put my hand down in sour cream

C. When I thought I was alone at work and I was listening to “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and interpretive dancing ensued, and then… you see where this is going, right? Yeah, that was embarrassing

D. When I was walking to class and I was waiting for a light to change so I could cross the street and people kept staring at me and I realized that I was singing out loud. Badly. Because that’s how I sing.

XV. Top Four Spam Subject Lines

A. Could you accomplish that, you might command my services forever

B. You don’t have to worry about crooked erections

C. Stir up a passion in her heart with your magic wand

And finally, the longest subject line of all time:

D. Taken as a whole the literature suggests that the role of quorum sensing in staphylococcal infections may not always be immediately obvious as it varies with infection type host environment and even time. For example in models in which agr does not appear to strongly influence virulence its expression or lack thereof may contribute to biofilm formation. Conversely in models in which agr expression does not appear to affect biofilm formation it may still regulate virulence factor production. This makes the development of relevant in vitro and in vivo models a challenging proposition. Yet it is critical that further investigation of this area take place. The expression of the agr quorumsensing system already known to affect virulence factor production may also affect everything from antibiotic resistance to energy metabolism through its interaction with other staphylococcal gene regulators. Furthermore the agr phenotype and expression patterns in both S. aureus and S. epidermidis biofilms may influence when these infections become chronic or acute. Future studies should include sampling of staphylococcal infections for agr phenotype evaluation of agr expression patterns in vivo using animal models of infection and further investigation of agr function in biofilm growth and development.

XVI. Top Four Television Marathons I Watched

A. America’s Next Top Model (any of them, really)

B. Britain’s Next Top Model (seriously, I watched it… for about 6 hours)

C. Say Yes to the Dress (why would a show about a wedding dress store be so fascinating to me? I don’t know either)

D. Iron Chef America (whee!)

XVII. Top Four Moments In Driving

A. “Wait, wait. We have to listen to this. It’s Sir Mix-A-Lot.”

B. Playing (and winning!) high-speed games of Merge in rush-hour traffic around Detroit

C. Rushing over this narrow dirt country road at about 70 mph and hitting this spot just right and becoming momentarily airborne (sometimes I like to pretend I am a stunt driver)

D. Being out in the country late at night in the summer and there were stars and stars and stars

XVIII. Top Four Ways I Wasted Time

A. Facebook. Good lord. I’m like All Scrabulous, All the Time, over here.

B. Filling out those damn MySpace bulletins because sometimes I am a 12-year-old girl.

C. The wonders of instant messaging.

D. The greater wonders of text messaging.

XIX. Top Four Moments in Not Working

A. The time Matty D and I conducted a study of facial hair sported by 19th century authors

B. Sneaking out with my one boss while my other boss was gone and going to a bar to shoot pool.

C. The time P-dot and I surfed the Princeton Review site and placed bets on which schools had better graduate programs in different subjects because oh. my. god. we. were. so. bored.

D. The time Matty D and I went to P-dot’s house after he was unemployed to drink tea and handicap the Oscars.

XX. Top Four Things I Ate For Lunch

A. Falafel

B. Guacamole

C. Grilled cheese & soup

D. Cheez-Its

(I am all about healthy living.)

XXI. Top Four Flavors of Ramen Noodles That Sustained Me While I Was Broke and Living in Ann Arbor

A. Beef

B. Picante Chicken

C. Shrimp

D. Oriental

XXII. Top Four Weird Things I Saw in My Driveway While I Was Living in Ann Arbor, Which Reminded Me of All the Weird Things I Saw Floating in Canals When I Was Living in Venice

A. The empty birth control pill thing

B. The peanut butter jar, with peanut butter in it

C. A shoe

D. A pair of shorts

XXIII. Top Four Self Portraits Taken This Year

A.

B.

C.

D.

XXIV. Top Four Photographs of Some Other Stuff Taken This Year

A.

B.

C.

D.

XXV. Top Four Blog Posts Written This Year

A. bridge (maybe my favorite post I’ve ever written here, ever)

B. things remembered

C. things i learned from this month’s cosmo (the one about orgasm faking)

D. whoa-oh, black betty, bam-a-lam… uh. (the one about pube dye)

There you go. Consider the year reviewed!

Have a good one, kids. May your hangovers not be painful in the morning.

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