Aug 07 2008
an open letter to my ovaries
Dear My Ovaries,
Hey. How are you? Awesome. Listen, I appreciate you for all you do, and everything, really. No, I mean it. Ovulating is great! Yeah! With the sudden, uncontrollable need for brownies and the whatnot and everything and stuff. But that’s not why I’m writing to you today. Why am I writing? It’s really very simple.
Remember the other day when I was getting a sandwich for lunch and I ran into this girl I went to school with and she had this painfully ridiculously adorable child who was just barely a toddler? And over the course of the five minutes or so that we were in line, the painfully ridiculously adorable child who was just barely a toddler and I like totally became BFF because what can I say but babies love me? You remember that, don’t you? I know. Because how could you forget the moment when the girl I went to school with noted the way her daughter and I had like totally become BFF and asked “Do you have kids yet?” and I laughed and said “No,” and then you started screaming at me “BUT YOU SHOULD YOU TOTALLY SHOULD WE’LL HELP!!!!!!”
Ovaries, I am not kidding. Cut that shit out.
Love,
Jamelah
p.s. I mean it. Let’s just work on being a crazy aunt, okay?
heeheee and also stop kicking me when you see cute babies passing by!
being a crazy aunt is the best. because you can hug them and play with them and hand them back when they’re little stinkers.
I have been waiting on this to happen to me, and it won’t. It just will not happen. Are my ovaries sleeping? Wait, I know that’s not it, because one of them just tried to kill me with a nasty ruptured cyst a couple of weeks ago. So are they for evil? I think mine might be.
I’m dying. This is great.
I am loving your funny, funny daily posts. Please don’t stop.
Thank you,
Fellow Crazy Aunt
Stoopid ovaries.
all the wine — Yes, because being kicked is overrated.
kelsi — Exactly! Of course, I don’t have any nieces and nephews (living in this country, anyway), so I have to serve as a stand-in crazy aunt for my friends’ and cousins’ kids. But I think I’m really good for crazy aunt-hood.
elise — It’s weird, because I have never wanted kids. I’ve always enjoyed children and I like hanging out with them and being charmed by their cuteness. And I’ve never even really minded too terribly much when they’re cranky, crying, screaming masses of angst (though I like them much more when they’re not, and this is probably tempered by the fact that I can always hand them back to their parents when they get that way). But I’ve never actually wanted one (or more) of my own. But in the past year, that’s been shifting a little, and it’s very unsettling. (More unsettling still when I mentioned this to my mom and she said “It gets worse.”) So far I’ve had an easy time talking myself out of it, especially since I am nowhere near being at a place in life where having kids would be a reasonable thing to do. So it’s weird, anyway, because it’s more than just a fleeting thought. It’s momentarily overpowering. Enjoy the fact that this doesn’t happen to you. Also, cysts are of the devil.
Preeti — Thanks. Please don’t die.
GWCH — I will do my best.
Fraulein N — They are. They really are.