Letters
an open letter to people who are freaked out by women who use birth control
Dear You Guys, Hey. How are things? Boy, you sure do have people talking a lot about birth control and sex and reproduction these days. Does that gross you out a little? All this talk about sex lives and choices? I’m sorry if it does, because I understand that it’s uncomfortable to be grossed out, … Continue reading
for stacy, six years later
Dear Stacy, It’s been six years. It seems impossible that it’s been that long, but that’s exactly how long it’s been. Every year on this day, I write something, and I think at first it was a coping thing but now I’m not really sure. Maybe it still is a coping thing, I don’t know. … Continue reading
an open letter to my future husband
Dear Future Husband, Remember a long time ago when I used to write letters to you on my old blog, before my old blog cannibalized itself and I wound up with a new blog? And my new blog is, what, three years old now? So it’s not really new anymore? As part of the blog-cannibalization … Continue reading
an open letter to my ex
Hi. I hadn’t done the Indie Ink Writing Challenge for a few weeks, so when I got the sign up email this week, I figured I might as well. My challenge this week comes from Rachel McGowan: the apology letter you will never send. Yes, putting it on the internet instead of sending it seems … Continue reading
an open letter to the people who are about to have a royal wedding
Dear People Who Are About To Have A Royal Wedding, Look. I’m happy for you two crazy kids. To be perfectly honest, I don’t actually care, but at least I am not actively unhappy for you, so that has to count for something. Right? (I’m sure you’ve been wondering when I would come forward and … Continue reading
an open letter to germs
Dear Germs, Fuck off. Sincerely, Jamelah
an open letter to the people responsible for those teeth-whitening ads
Dear People Responsible For Those Teeth-Whitening Ads: Yes, I know that I wrote to you yesterday, but I noticed today that you haven’t done anything about my serious all-caps complaint, so let’s talk about this, shall we? Here’s a sample ad that I was greeted with five times this morning (I kept reloading the page … Continue reading
an open letter to the makers of the fling chocolate bar
Dear Makers of the Fling Chocolate Bar, Oh hello there. How’s the weather? Good, good, fantastic. And now that we have all the requisite pleasantries out of the way, let’s get down to brass tacks, or business, if you prefer. I first learned of your product yesterday, when I read this post in my feed … Continue reading
an open letter to john mccain
Dear John McCain, Hi. How are things? Busy and exhausting? I’m sure. I can’t even imagine maintaining the kind of schedule you have these days, but that’s just one of the reasons why I will never run for President of the United States. Or of anywhere else for that matter. Anyway, you might be wondering … Continue reading
an open letter to the manufacturers of cough syrup
Dear Manufacturers of Cough Syrup, Hello. Last night I developed a terrible cough. Terrible. It came entirely out of nowhere because I was fine all day long, and then I was watching Jon Stewart interview Tony Blair on The Daily Show and I suddenly believed that maybe I had caught the consumption or something. I … Continue reading
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