because of the daffodils

Oops, I’ve gotten boring again. Sorry about that, loves. I mean, I don’t think I’m boring, but my blog certainly is. I can’t guarantee that this will be help alleviate the boredom, but at least it will be a post. Here’s a quick update:

1. Oops, maybe I shouldn’t get dressed in the dark, because then I wind up walking into the ladies’ room at work before leaving for lunch (after having been at work for more than four hours) only to discover that wow, my shirt sure is see-through. I hope everyone enjoyed the show.

2. And the next day the button on my pants fell off. Thanks for the safety pin, lady in the pharmacy at work! Also: fuck off, Michael Kors.

3. Oh my goodness I love shortbread cookies that are so full of butter I can feel my arteries clogging with every bite. Dear Arteries: I’m sorry. Butter is delicious. Love, Jamelah.

4. It’s been busy lately, with lots of dinners and lunches and drinks. A couple of flirtations (including one that made Missy say “Should I just call you Mrs. Robinson?”) that haven’t been anything more than flirtations, but hey, flirting is a good time. After feeling about as attractive and interesting as a slug for the past few months, it’s nice to know that hey kids, mama’s still got it.

5. I now own an orange sweater. I didn’t know I needed an orange sweater, but you know, I needed an orange sweater.

6. It’s weird every spring. The other night we had a spectacular thunderstorm, one so powerful the thunder shook the house and I could feel the rain. That’s a strange thing, since I was lying in bed, watching the weather through the east window, and it’s not like it was raining inside my room, but there was so much water falling so fast and hard that as it pounded on the sides of the house, it made enough sound that I could feel it. That kind of violent storm is usually reserved for summer, but it’s clearly spring because when I was leaving for work in the morning all that rain had frozen on my car, coating it in a thin shell of ice. It snowed on Monday and today it was warm and I wore open-toed shoes. It makes no sense and I love it.

7. I’m going away in a week and a half. Not for long, since I accumulate time off at work at a proverbial snail’s pace, but still. I had an extra day off for Memorial Day weekend, but I traded it in for a couple of other days and decided on a whim to fly to Seattle. Just knowing that I’m getting away for a bit has brightened my spirits immensely about work — go ahead, grumpy people! Scream at me on the phone! I’m going on VACATION! SUCK IT!

8. I never realized how miserable I’d been over the winter (not just over the breakup, but over everything that seemed to hit at once, because that’s how it seems to go) until this evening on my way home from work. I knew I was unhappy, but I didn’t know how unhappy. (I was getting a crease between my eyebrows from having a perma-frown, but it’s lightened up now.) It’s impossible to have much perspective when you’re stuck in the middle of things, but a little distance (and maybe a pedicure and some shoe-buying — I bought some shoes last week, by the way, and they are beautiful) works wonders. It was warm, the sun was shining, a good song shuffled up as I was driving, and I laughed. There wasn’t really a reason to laugh; I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular (I tend to zone into some trancelike autopilot state when I’m on my commute; everything about the drive to and from my office is so habitual that I could probably do it in my sleep, though fear not, for I won’t test this hypothesis) and I certainly wasn’t thinking about anything funny. It was just apparently some kind of joy bubble that couldn’t be contained. It turns out that these days I’m having a good time. It’s a welcome change.

9. So that’s it, really. Working, eating, drinking, flirting, wearing orange, laughing at nothing. Oh, and still growing out my hair (I’ll measure it again in a few weeks). And writing. So much writing. (Nearly 20,000 words this past week, which is a lot of words — I feel nearly superhuman. I’m working on a project that I’m not going to talk about, other than to say that I sure am entertaining the hell out of myself, and it’s nice, being reminded that writing is actually a good time.) It could all suck, but I don’t care. It’s so much fun. That’s the word of the month: fun. I feel like everything I’m up to lately is so unimportant and frivolous and maybe I should be more serious-minded, but dammit, the daffodils are in bloom (the snow and ice didn’t kill them!) and oh, fuck it. The daffodils are in bloom!

10. And there’s the update. It wasn’t really that quick, was it? Thanks for reading.


6 thoughts on “because of the daffodils

  1. So, I don’t know what you’re planning on doing here in Seattle when you come, but may I suggest that you make time to drive up to Mt. Vernon and go to the Tulip Festival? Flowers make me happy.

    Of course, you’re not all that far away from Holland, MI, so maybe a tulip festival just isn’t that big a deal.

    In any case, enjoy Seattle. (PS…it will probably rain the entire time you’re here.)


    1. Hey Matt. I have plans for one of the days I’ll be there, but I’m open. It would be cool to see you. It’s been… gosh, I don’t know. Forever. I won’t have much time to spend, well, anywhere, but a tulip festival is a possibility. I’ll email you and see if at the very least, I can at least see you and say hi. (I do have a raincoat, and I’ll do my best not to forget it.)


  2. Flowers! Spring! Lightening up! Girl, I know the feeling. It’s been a terrible winter.
    Glad you’re feeling a little lighter.


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