starting over

I used to write here a lot, then I wrote here a little, then I stopped writing here altogether, mostly because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write about anymore. Sometimes I would write about books and sometimes I would write about weird things I came across on the internet (or weird things others came across on the internet that they wanted me to write about) and sometimes I would write about assorted miscellany like words or my family or dating or sex tips from Cosmo. I’m still not exactly sure what I want to write about, but I do know that I want to write.

So I don’t know what having a presence here is anymore, but it seems a shame to abandon the one project I’ve had going on for longer than any other. That project is this blog, which has existed in one form or another since the late 1990s. I suppose if I were to have found internet fame, I would’ve done so long before now, since I’m hovering around 15 years of being out here in pixels. I don’t mind not being famous, and in fact am happy I’m not, though there’s a strangeness about creating in a space where the currency of something is based on how many likes or responses it gets, and I think that, at least for me, at least some of the time, kind of screws with the genuineness of the creation.

I suppose what matters is that I used to be something of a creative type, and at some point during the past year, I forgot what I want to say. Or, that’s not entirely accurate. I started questioning whether or not anything I said was worth saying (here and in the case of the photos I used to take), which makes it hard to want to say anything at all. What it comes down to is that I may indeed be a talentless hack who is full of crap, but then, have you looked at the internet lately? Exactly. So I don’t see why that should stop me.

I’ll figure it out, one way or another.

In the meantime, hi. I’m 34, my hair is turning more gray than I’d like, and I’ve spent a fair amount of time recently thinking about whether or not I am interested in venturing into the world of eye cream moisturizer stuff. I almost always order dessert, and when I don’t, it’s because I’m too full to enjoy it. I work with electronic medical record software, and no, I never saw that coming. I own a lot of cardigans. I like all babies and dogs, but cats and kids who are older than babies are on a case-by-case basis. I am moody and sentimental and opinionated. Cheese gives me indigestion (this makes me sad). I’ve written the beginnings of several pieces of fiction that I will never finish. I’m still not living up to my potential.

But for here, for now, I’m going to try to write some stuff (I said I would write stuff this year, and here it is, April, and this is the first time I’ve written a post in 2014). I’ll try for once a week and see how that goes.

I guess that’s all. Good day.

13 thoughts on “starting over

  1. Perhaps you could create once-a-week fiction. If indeed you think the chances of your fiction getting finished is low, maybe this is the place to write it in serial form so that it goes somewhere.

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  2. I’m 54. I have more projects started than five people. At 34, I didn’t feel it. But now, and if there is any one piece of advice I can give from the far side of 50, it’s finish some of your projects! Keep plugging away at challenges! Life is short. Let me reiterate, LIFE. IS. FUCKING. SHORT! I once had a dream and God (a male and female pair who referred to themself in the singular), told me “You better get moving. You don’t get much more than 72, and you’re already halfway there.”

    I have so much to finish. You and me? We have so much new stuff to do, too. 😉

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  3. Hi. I’m forty w/ chunks of gray (that polite people lie about) and have enjoyed reading your blog since 2005. I was really bummed over your disappearance since I shared your sad stuff with you (your dad’s sudden passing, your cancer scare, your friend’s death) and your happy stuff (your job, your play, your sold photographs, your achievements to learn some Arabic)…yay you!!! I love your writing style ’cause it’s like hanging with a friend that you’ll probably never meet & who you may never split a slice of pie with. I am a lover of cheese, first official etsy buyer of your jewelry, and am an artist (which for some reason I was too ashamed to admit before now). You are already successful because you have a steady audience. And hello…your DIAGRAMS? Using your experiences with projects like painting your bedroom door red, I’ve learned to be brave and put up my kitchen curtains & (at least attempt) to put together my bookcase. I’ve also mourned two important people in my life like a champ. So enough Debbie Downer… let’s celebrate awesome!!!

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  4. I have missed you. And i have missed me too. as I have also been in limbo; questioning what it is I am supposed to be doing and why it even matters. Still, Intelligent people question. Stupid people just breath through their gaping mouths and do as they are told. We are not those people and we need to get down to the business of being magic, becaus life is critically brief and when you look around and hear the news of the day and see what crap it all is, the world needs more us and less them.

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  5. I don’t have any advice. No, wait…I actually do. This is what you should do. Ride your bike. Talk to strangers. I don’t know if it’ll help you write, or take photos, or be creative in any way. But it’s fun and sometimes you meet some interesting people and you’ll get a laugh now and then. That’s pretty nice, right there.

    And you know what? It’s also a good thing for the strangers, on account of they’ll get to talk to you AND it’ll give them a nice story to tell to other folks.

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    1. I would vote for this to be the best reply to someone whether they are seeking advice or not We need more strangers in our lives to give us a different flavor for life. Life is about other people and other living things. It is not about the scenery.

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  6. I don’t care what you write about–although I particularly enjoy reading your takes on Cosmopolitan, and your compassion for friends & family, and Michigan, and wedding photographic assignment chaos, and your interactive relationship with your hair, and Sweet Pea–but I always read every word you write. I miss doing that lately, so if you’re about to start doing it again, I shall be a very happy chappy. Thank youse, xo

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  7. I too have found myself waning in terms of blogging – whether that means blogging has become passé or not I cannot say.

    I do know however that the exercise of writing regularly has always been a good thing. And as far as fame goes, life is long (shorter than we realize) but long enough to surprise us.

    It’s always good though when you do show up. Nice to see you knocking about.

    I still have a postcard I cherish lying around here somewhere…

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  8. Pop psychology #101

    If you don’t know what to write about then it’s probably because you don’t know who you are at the moment & if you’re single that might give a clue (or maybe not, but connections are essential & intimate connections are often the strongest).
    When was the last time you loved, or hated & when was the last time a guy knocked someone out for you?
    It’ll be somewhere like that where you lost your thread.
    It’s all about choices, and the turns we take.
    Find the fires, & you’ll probably find the answers.

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  9. Welcome back! I’ve missed reading you! And like you I have so many projects started and many finished! Although truth be told most of the finished ones started and ended in my head .. and one day I may start them for real and add them to the bucket of unfinished projects..

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