jamelah.net

Many years ago when I worked for a church youth ministry* the youth pastor gave all of the ministry team Christmas gifts one year. We all stood in a circle in her office before service one Sunday night and each of us opened a package that she gave us. They were all small Disney character stuffed toys. This would’ve been late 90s, so folks were getting classic Disney stuff, like Snow White, or Pluto, or Scuttle. Each one was accompanied by a card explaining why that character reminded the pastor of the recipient. I don’t remember if I was the last person to open my package, but I was one of the last ones. I couldn’t figure who I reminded the pastor of, but I did not expect Maleficent when I opened the box.

Back in 1999 or so, Maleficent the character had not yet undergone the feminist retelling starring Angelina Jolie, and though the card that accompanied the little plush toy said something about the character being a strong woman, I couldn’t help but think “Huh. She gave me a witch.”

I don’t remember specifically who got what, but I do remember that nobody else got a villain as a gift from the pastor for whom they volunteered several hours every week.

I don’t still have it, but it looked like this.

I mean, whatever. Maleficent the character was pretty cool as far as Disney characters go, but it… well. I guess one thing is true: a princess I was not.

I liked Disney when I was growing up, but stopped caring sometime after The Lion King (which made me sob out loud when I saw it for the first time in school). In short, I did not grow up to be A Disney Adult,** but I, like many, think being one of the princesses who could get animals to help clean her house would be a pretty great deal.

That has never worked out for me, plus I have questions about the logistics of having birds cleaning things, but I am here to say that I have entered a new phase in my life. And that phase is Crow Lady.

So, I have been a fan of crows for a long time because they are such fascinating creatures, and I decided at some point during my adventures as a works from home person who should probably get out of the house more, that I wanted to figure out how to befriend crows. I had read a little bit about it and I thought I’d give it a try.

When I started this project, there were two crows I would see in my yard from time to time. If I noticed them out, I would go out and they would leave. This was a very unauspicious start. This went on for awhile until one morning I heard them down the road (they are so noisy) and I went out, walked closer to them but still stayed a respectful distance away, dropped a couple of unshelled peanuts, then walked away, dropping more in my yard. They showed up once I had gone back inside my house.

From that time on, I’ve tried to maintain a fairly consistent peanut-tossing schedule, though sometimes I miss a time because I’m busy. (They come back.) There are a few times throughout the day that the crows — now three of them — will caw at me from a tree across the river. I try not to feed them too much, because I don’t want them to depend on me as their food source, but it’s kinda fun that they look me up every day. I know this is because I’m The Peanut Lady and not because of my sparkling personality, but I like it all the same.

When I say that I’m making friends with my local murder, I always get asked if they have brought me gifts yet. And no, they haven’t. I suppose that would be a very cool next step, but for now, I’m happy with the fact that we know each other.

Last week, my husband and I were out walking our dog in our neighborhood, and one of my crow pals chattered at me and followed us along from tree to tree for about half a block. I wasn’t carrying any snacks with me, though, so it eventually moved on. The chattering was friendly — I know it’s just vibes, but there’s a big difference in what it’s like when a crow is being nice to you versus when it feels threatened and wants you to go away.

So, we’re not BFFs yet, but we know each other enough to say hey in public, I guess, which is pretty cool.

It isn’t all goth birds befitting a former evangelical Maleficent, however. Blue jays have also gotten in on the snack action. Once these guys hear the crows yelling about snacks, here they come and dive bomb the area, grabbing as many peanuts as they can get. The crows are far more chill, and shy, but blue jays don’t care.

In fact, sometimes now they will come visit outside my windows to I guess remind me that they also like snacks and if I’m not doing anything maybe I should, you know, feed them.

And of course, there’s no chance of peanuts being thrown without squirrels showing up:

If the crows ever bring me anything sparkly or a stuffed Maleficent, I’ll be sure to post an update.

*for free, obviously, because I was getting paid in treasure in Heaven.

**I’m going to go ahead and argue that it is a proper noun.