in which i liveblog election returns and don’t drink because i’m currently on antibiotics

Four years ago, it was a beautiful, sunny day in Michigan. I walked to my polling place and voted. It felt like a magical day. This morning, I got up and scraped ice off the car to drive to my polling place because it was about 20 degrees outside and I’m not willingly going for a stroll when it’s 20 degrees outside. I got there at about 7:15, and there was a small line, but it wasn’t too bad. I worked second shift today so I could’ve gone mid-morning, but I wanted to get it out of the way, so that I could spend my morning sitting around and drinking coffee like a civilized person.

Anyway, I’m just now back from work, so let’s do this. Unless I fall asleep, which is likely, because I’m 84 and I fall asleep at ridiculously early times. I ate dinner today at 4:00. (That’s just because that’s what time I was able to take a break.) So old!

9:24 I don’t know if liveblogging is even necessary anymore, what with the Facebook and the Twitter and whatnot, but you want to know that when I saw that NBC News was spraypainting the ice rink in what is now apparently named Democracy Square, I laughed out loud. Right? You want to know that?

9:27 Obama wins Michigan! Because Michigan is the best of the 50 nifty United States.

9:31 Oh, Florida. I remember when I was living in Italy in 2000, and I voted via absentee ballot at 2 a.m. (or maybe 3 a.m.) after coming home late from Florence (I just like being able to say that). I called my friend Adelle at 6 a.m., after Election Day and was confused and half-asleep and was like “What? Florida? Who won?” and then I went back to bed. Anyway, the point being: can we not do that again?

9:34 Come on, Ohio!

9:41 So instead of drinking, I think I’ll have Pringles.

9:42 I don’t live in Massachusetts, but yay, Elizabeth Warren!

9:50 I’m pretty sure I’ve bored myself. I think I’ll stop unless something exciting happens or unless someone says something blindingly stupid that I can’t leave alone. In the meantime, thanks, New Hampshire!

10:07 Oh, Akin lost! Yay!

10:14 So I decided to watch Fox News for awhile, just because I guess I hate myself? Sarah Palin is orange and her hair is bigger. In case you were wondering.

10:15 Sarah Palin is making hockey metaphors. Just so you know, Greta Van Susteren is interviewing her about how there’s no clear mandate for the winner. And she CAN’T BELIEVE that Americans want four more years of Barack Obama! It’s a perplexing time! Oh my god why didn’t I start watching this channel earlier?

10:21 Oh wow. Karl Rove. He is explaining that Obama will probably win Ohio at first but then he is totally going to lose it.

10:28 I had to stop watching Fox. There’s only so long I can handle that sort of thing. CNN says that Romney is winning Wisconsin now, even though earlier it was called for Obama.

11:00 Oh thank goodness, it’s Daily Show time!

11:03 Oh my god, I love John Oliver with iPads strapped to his arms. So glad that they are making fun of all the ridiculous CNN useless computery business.

11:12 Haha they’re projecting the 2016 election.

11:16 And our long national nightmare is finally over!


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